Welcome to The Examined Life 2020

I was a late bloomer to self-awareness. My life didn't really begin until I was 25 years old. It was 1986. That was the year I lost my father to a tragic accident at work.

By the time I was 25, I had been married for 4 years, but I was still an immature kid at heart. I was extremely shy as a child, and sheltered, I had no idea of the kind of gnashing, soul-ripping world outside that waited to ambush me.

Life hadn't taught me a thing except how to be self-centered and alone. Not that I didn't care about people, I wanted desperately to have friends, like we all do, and I tried my best to earn friends, but I learned quickly that very few people are qualified to be a true friend. And I had been too young to know that "people" and "friends" could be a very painful commodity.

I was naive. Having been so shy, I didn't know much about people (turns out I was ADHD). I tried different routes to find friendship, love and happiness.

• I was "nice" to people. Many can and will mistake it for weakness and try to take advantage, mentally, physically or financially. What I've found is that about the only place that "nice" works anymore is in church. But unless your friend truly lives the spiritual life, once you leave those hallowed halls, "nice" goes crashing out the stained-glass window. Don't get me wrong. I was raised in church and went often until my early teens. My dad was even a deacon the last few years of his life. I believe strongly in a Supreme Being and Jesus Christ and the spiritual power that comes from an applied universal law. But I believe that "people" as a whole are not so enlightened as to NOT be self-centered and self-righteous.
• I tried to be fair, which results were similar to being 'nice'.
• I tried to give in more often  to what other people wanted. I was labeled as submissive once because from a spiritual point of view, which few of my acquaintances possessed, I didn't see much point in arguing over trivial things. From a marital point of view, I learned that it was seen as "co-dependency", and I put a stop to it as quickly as possible.
• I gave, gave, gave to my friends until they took, took, took too much. So I had to give, give, give them up for my own self-preservation.

To make a long story short, I was none of those people. I wasn't being true to myself, which is paramount to finding peace in your lifetime. I'll write more about finding yourself in future posts. I've even written a children's book on the subject which I'll tell you more about in future posts.

As a result of all this madness, trying to be who I wasn't, I was a pretty screwed up kid. And "as the twig is bent, the tree inclines" or so Virgil says. I carried many of my neurosis into adulthood. It would be many years before I figured things out. But better late than never, I think.

Since the loss of my father, I've been on a wild mental, spiritual and even physical journey that I can't wait to tell you about. I've learned lessons that hopefully you'll never have to. I'll be speaking not only from personal experience,  but I'll be drawing from quotations new and old, stories, movies, and even my own imaginaton at time. But in the end, I hope that something I say in this blog will help you to:

1. avoid some of the pitfalls I experienced,.
2. avoid some of the pain,
3. find peace, love and happiness in your life before it's too late.

So please subscribe to my blog. I may not be a psychologist, but I've experienced enough life, death, troubles, trials and tribulations to kill a horse.

Welcome to The Examined Life 2020!